Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
