You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
