woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
