So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The uberlube is also flammable
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
