she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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