If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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