I wish I only lived at night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
