I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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