meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
