he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
