I love black thongs
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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