Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
time to smoke my breakfast
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
