I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
