dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
