I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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