I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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