i just google imaged poop.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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