im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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