I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
