while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
