a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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