i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
