just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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