idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
