Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
