The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
