it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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