You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
