Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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