I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
