I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
