Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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