walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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