And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
