dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
