that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize