i think my mom watched the whole time
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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