Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
