Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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