It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
