it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
