Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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