Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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