Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
