we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
