I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize