planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
