I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
