and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
FUCK WHALES
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
