It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
