Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
