we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
