it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize