omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
