hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
