At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize