I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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