Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
