even my farts smell like vagina
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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