Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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