I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
