he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
