She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
