So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
