Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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