so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's not a foreskin expert like you
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
