I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
