Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
