There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
