I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
