Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
