You made me cry and you don't even care
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize