I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
