Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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