worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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