So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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